Meal Prep and Pizza, One drunk Weirdo

In the past two months, I have been focusing a lot on what I eat. I thought the best way to do so would be by meal prepping. I also cut out alcohol, for the most part. I wanted to get into it for a while (the YouTube algorithm doing its thing, sprinkling a meal prep short here and there - I am impressionable, after all), and with the recent changes in my private life, I guess it’s a very healthy way of spending time on my own - alongside the obvious benefits of having more free time whenever needed during the day because I simply can always choose to either take out a frozen meal from the freezer or just make something else if I feel like it. Mostly, I stick to my standard lunches, though. My standard lunches being one scoop of chicken breast, one scoop of broccoli, and one scoop of the ever always same stew made out of carrots, sweet potatoes, chicke peas, paprika, and beans. It has been for the past 2 months. Though, maybe, I will go wild and add some rice, but only if I’m feeling bold. I am starting to think that my being absolutely fine and happy with my boring diet is some sort of super power. Friends sometimes comment, saying things like “OMG I could not do this”, or “Aren’t you getting bored by it, you should switch it up a bit!”. I wasn’t thinking too much of it, but recently I came to think it’s actually them seeing something they miss in themselves, or something that they lack the discipline or willpower to change (taking care of your health, weights, sports, that sort of stuff). Otherwise, why would they care?

Anyway, so two days ago I had this crazy pizza craving. That’s kinda obvious, given that pizza is pretty much my favorite food, closely followed by pizza, and with pizza on the third place, too. Saying I indulged would be an understatement. With the amount of absolutely obliterated pizza that I had on Wednesday I could’ve pretty much fed a family of four and a mid-sized donkey. (Donkeys rock).

The issue is: I have really light sleep, like really really light, light enough to be bothered by my cats snoring on the wardrobe, so it came as expected - I went to bed full as a balloon, and it took me forever to fall asleep, which was less like jumping off a cliff into the beautiful blue waves of the deep REM waters, and more like watching crops grow from seed to harvest. Just less enjoyable and more torturous with my fat belly claiming its rightful place where my lungs and heart should be. Anyway, what’s crazy was that, just as I felt I was phasing out - you know when you are basically at the edge, kinda knowing but not really knowing that you’re still awake - the doorbell downstairs rang. No joke, I felt the sound run through my bones like some sort of electric shock. That freaked me the fuck out. Barely ever anything good (or sober) comes ringing at your doorbell at midnight. Neither of which are things that can be of service at a time when the only thing really desireable is to head out to sleepy town. So I get up and answer, and, I shit you not, the absolute randomest and weirdest ramblings to ever leave what I’d assume to be a human’s mouth vibrate through the wire up to my ear. After a good two minutes of working towards understanding what that particular individual was looking for, I understood he’s looking for a neighbor. No further explanations, no justifications, just the name on repeat. Funnily, that neighbors doorbell is about 30 cm away (approximately 12 inches) from mine. Remarkable. I assume the person decided that the proper way to press the door bell is through wildly rub his whole body on the button board holding all door bells. And just as explosive and unexpected as our rendez-vous started, it faded out with a gentle wish towards that person to rather turn around, head home, and go to bed right that instant. My conscience tells me I was maybe less diplomatic, but I assume I can forgive myself for not being the most patient at such a time. I doubt the words were heard, far less truly received and processed, but whatever.

After putting down the ‘phone’ (whatever you may call this thing you use to talk to the other side), I had troubles falling asleep, as now my weird brain decided to interleave and convolve random thoughts together with this encounter.

Security and Getting Older

I realized that, more recently, I have become somewhat more aware of security-related topics around the house, intruders, burglary etc. Not that this happens here at any notable frequency - it has never happened to my knowledge since I’ve moved here. But still, maybe it’s just a result of getting older and more aware of things around me. Not that I am paranoid, but, while I did not care 5 years ago, these days I always sleep better with the door locked. Weird indeed. Or not, IDK, I have never been this old before. Maybe it’s related to having my hunting gear in the house. Although I’d rather think it should make me feel more secure than less? I don’t know how long it took me to fall asleep. Maybe half an hour, maybe two with on-off phases.

Reading

On another note, I’ve started Jocko Willink’s book ‘Extreme Ownership’, roughly 15 pages in. I can’t say that I immediately loved it, but I will try and give it the chance to grow on me. In the past, the first impression often stuck throughout (except for Frank Schätzings ‘Der Schwarm’, which felt like wading through a field of porcupines with no pants on for about a hundred pages before it turned around and became the absolute crack to me. I actually remember going to school with it in my backpack AND STILL MISS SCHOOL because I couldn’t leave the cafeteria because I had to continue reading it.

I should start a books section on this website to keep track of what I read and what I like about or learn from it. Let’s see.

Leadership

I got some feedback on my leadership style 2 days ago, alongside some thoughts on how the person giving me feedback would classify it. The observation was that, at times, I can be quite ‘concrete’ and maybe somewhat imperative. Thing is: when people ask me for concrete direction and steps to take if they get stuck, I think I weigh whether it’s time for explanations - when it’s a matter of knowledge sharing, like a teacher in a low-pressure learning environment - or a matter of taking the lead and instructing, when it’s a matter of effectiveness under pressure, like a captain on a ship. Some people have told me I’d fit right in with the military. Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know about that, because I think I have trouble accepting ‘authority’ blindly and without it being the implicit result of earned respect and trust.

Back to my ‘instructive’ style (at times): I think there’s nothing wrong to provide solutions, guidance, and direction when concretely asked. Not everything must become ‘A chance to grow’ and some sort of educational roller coaster for the person asking. Can you imagine breaking down with your car in an unknown area, and you ask a passerby for directions, and that person starts lecturing you on the necessity of having a map or being able to navigate by nose, stars, and reading which side moss grows on stones? Maybe I am just coping, but I started wondering how different leadership styles need different levels (and types?) of trust, and how it first must be built accordingly. I can’t really put my finger on it yet, but I vaguely feel that leadership styles, even more so their validity in certain contexts, are super hard to judge. Not only because it’s a bilateral agreement that grows over time, but also because the way one leads, in my opinion, fills in gaps that individuals may feel they are not given otherwise (guidance, freedom, structure, whatever) by the organization. Which is fair and fine, I suppose - not like it’s feasible to assume that there’s one organizational archetype that fits everyone equally.

Nonetheless, I still chew on it. Let’s see what I think after the weekend.

Inspiration

Now to something waaaaaay more positive, a totally different topic, which made me so happy: I inspired a friend to get started with working out in the mornings, which not only makes me proud, but also motivates me to keep going with what I am doing. He came to my place for my birthday not long ago, and I told him we could go out for a couple of beers, but that he’d have to work out with me in the morning after, no matter how bad the hangover felt and how sleep-deprived we might be. He agreed and followed through. And now he’s started sharing with me his progress in the mornings, the repetitions he gets in, which is even better. And I am sure this will help me get my reps in, too!

And with that said, and my meal prepping done (chili chicken, a stew of sweet potato, corn, chick peas, and beans, and blanched broccoli and cauliflower) for the next couple of days, I am off for the weekend.